Do you ever feel like there’s a never-ending to-do list in your head, even when you’re not at work? That’s the mental load. It’s the invisible workload that comes with running a household, and it’s often carried by women. But it doesn’t have to be this way! Sharing the mental load can reduce stress and achieve a happier home life. In this post, we’ll explore the mental load, provide relatable examples, and share tips on how to manage it.
What is the Mental Load?
The mental load is the cognitive burden of managing day-to-day tasks in your home. It includes everything from meal planning, grocery shopping, and cleaning to remembering appointments and scheduling repairs. It’s the mental checklist you carry in your mind, even when you’re supposed to relax. For many, this invisible workload often falls on one partner, leading to exhaustion, burnout, and a lopsided distribution of household labor.
What’s this look like in action? Here are three examples of the mental load that might sound familiar to you:
- Grocery Shopping: Have you ever been asked to pick up “a few things” at the grocery store, only to come back with ten bags of groceries, a load of guilt, and resentment? This scenario is a classic example of the mental load. One person is expected to carry the burden of grocery shopping while the other person gets to relax.
- Appointments: Have you ever been asked if you remembered to schedule an appointment for your child, partner, or pet, and then felt guilty when you realized you forgot? This situation is another example of the mental load. One person is expected to keep track of all the appointments, while the other person enjoys a less stressful day.
- Housework: Have you ever felt like you’re constantly cleaning, even though no one else seems to notice or appreciate it? This scenario is a third example of the mental load. One person is expected to handle all the housework while the other enjoys a clean and tidy home
How Can We Share the Mental Load?
If you’re wondering what you can do to help share the burden and reduce stress in your household, here are some tips:
- Establish a Minimum Standard of Care: “Clean” is subjective. Establish what “clean,” “done,” etc., means to each household member and commit to upholding those standards. Typically both parties adjust their standards to meet in a manageable middle.
- Prioritize as a team: Not all tasks are equally important. Get together with your partner and identify which tasks must be done and those that can wait.
- Delegate together: All household members are responsible for maintaining a functional home, so strike the idea of “helping” each other from your vocabulary. Decide who owns what, and see if you can outsource some tasks to your community or a professional service.
- Take breaks: Set aside time to relax, recharge, and let go of the mental checklist. Self-care is important for mental health! Take time for yourself and to connect meaningfully with your loved ones.
What can this look like practically?
- Grocery Shopping: Create a shared grocery list to which both partners can add throughout the week. This way, both people have an equal say in purchasing, and no one feels like they’re carrying the burden alone! Try meal planning together, and take turns cooking or prepping meals. If one partner is better at cooking, they can teach the other partner, making it a fun and educational experience.
- Appointments: Use a shared calendar or scheduling app to keep track of all appointments. This way, both partners can add, remove, or change appointments as needed, and no one person is solely responsible.
- Housework: Divide household chores equitably so each partner has a fair share of the workload. You can even make a chore chart or schedule to ensure everyone knows what they’re responsible for. Divide tasks based on personal preferences and strengths. If one partner hates doing laundry, the other can take over that task, while the first partner handles dishes or cleaning.
If you’re struggling to manage the mental load, AmaYuya can help. Our app is designed to make it easier to split tasks and responsibilities with your partner. Sign up for our waitlist for early access and start sharing the mental load today!
In conclusion, the mental load is a real and often overwhelming burden, but it doesn’t have to be. Partners can achieve a more balanced and fulfilling relationship by working together to share tasks and responsibilities. With a little effort and communication, managing the mental load can become a team effort that strengthens your bond with your partner.